Lyrics that make you laugh

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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  Guest on Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:26 pm

...from Shakira:

"Lucky that my breasts are small and humble,
so you don't confuse them with mountains."


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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  Guest on Tue Aug 09, 2011 10:19 pm

Woo wrote:
blue moon wrote:...from Shakira:

"Lucky that my breasts are small and humble,
so you don't confuse them with mountains."



That's a good one...





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdopMqrftXs&feature=related
...thanks woo...great link Very Happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR-SlkUgCRg&feature=related

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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  Guest on Wed Aug 10, 2011 6:26 pm

...well...I tried to respond in kind, so googled songs about woo...there's a link in the skeptics dictionary to a song called The Tower of Woo, where 'woo' or 'woo woo' appears to refer to a believer in the paranormal, commonly derided as a 'crackpot' (you haven't listed yourself as having a sense of humour in the memberlist so I refrained from posting it...just in case silent , although this is the 'lyrics that make you laugh' thread, and I laughed).

Kings of Leon also have a song with woo in the title but the lyrics aren't suitable for cyber contacts Neutral


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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  felix on Wed Aug 10, 2011 9:50 pm

Arnie 'Woo Woo' Ginsburg was a DJ on Boston radio in the 50s/60s.

Here's a 1961 tribute to him, with Arnie providing the presentation:



And here's old Arnie explaining how he got his nom de disque:



No, I wan't a Boston kid - we Brits know Arnie and other renowned US DJs from the wonderful old Cruisin' series of LPs issued in the 1970s. cat
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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  felix on Wed Aug 10, 2011 11:31 pm

LIFE GETS TEE-JUS, DON'T IT ?
(Robison)

Carson Robison - 1948
Tex Williams & The Western Caravan - 1948


The sun comes up and the sun goes down
The hands on the clock go round and round
I just wake up and it's time to lay down,
Life gets tee-jus, don't it?

My shoe's untied, but shucks, I don't care
Cuz I reckon I ain't a-goin' nowhere,
I'd brush my teeth and comb my hair
Just too much wasted effort.

The water in the well gets lower and lower,
Ain't had a bath in a month or more
I've heard it said and I'm sure it's true
That too much bathin'll weaken you.

Danged ol' mule, he must be sick.
I jabbed him in the rump with a pin on a stick
He hunched his back, but he wouldn't kick
Something cock-eyed somewhere.

Hound dog's howlin' so forlorn
Laziest dawg that ever was born
He's howlin' 'cause he's sittin' on a thorn
Just too tired to move over.

Well, the cow's gone dry and the hens won't lay
And my well dried up last Saturday
My troubles keep pilin' up day by day
And now I'm gettin' dandruff.

Roof's a-leakin' and the chimney leans,
An' there's a hole in the seat of my old blue jeans
Now I've et the last of the pork an' beans,
Just can't depend on nuthin'

Mouse is gnawin' at the pantry door
He's been at it now for a month or more
When he gets through he'll sure be sore
'Cause there ain't a dang thing in there.

Well, it's debts and taxes and pains and woes
Aches and miseries and that's how it goes
And now I'm getting a cold in my nose,
Life gets tasteless, don't it?

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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  felix on Wed Aug 10, 2011 11:37 pm

Hev Yew Gotta Loight, Boy?

Lyrics by The Singing Postman(Alan Smethurst)

I had a gal, a rare nice gal, down in Wroxham way
She were whooly nice ter me in the ole school days.
She would smile all the while, but Daddy dint know all
What she used ter say ter me behind the garden wall.
'Hev yew gotta loight, boy? hev yew gotta loight, boy?'

Molly Windley, she smook like a chimley,
But she's my little nicoteen gal.

Then one day, she went away, I dunt see har no more,
Till by chance, I see har down along th' Mundesley shore.
She wuz there, twice as fair, would she now be trew?
So when she see me passin' by she say 'I'm glad thass yew,
Hev yew gotta loight, boy? hev yew gotta loight?'

Molly Windley, she smook like a chimley,
But she's my little nicoteen gal.

Now yew'll see har an' me never more t'part,
We would wander hand in hand tergether in the dark.
Then one night I held har tight in th' ole back yard,
But when I tried to hold har close, she say 'Now hold yew hard!
Hev yew gotta loight, boy? hev yew gotta loight?

Molly Windley, she smook like a chimley,
But she's my little nicoteen gal.

By and by we decide on th' weddin' day,
So we toddle orff ter chatch ter hear the preacher say:
'Do yew now tearke this vow ter honour all the time?'
Afore I had th'chance ter stop har, she begin ter pine:
Hev yew gotta loight, boy? hev yew gotta loight?

Molly Windley, she smook like a chimley,
But she's my little nicoteen gal.

Now the doctor tell me a Daddy I will be,
So when I arsk him 'Woss th' score?' he say 'There's only three'
So, here I go, cheerioo, ter see how she do fare,
I know what she will say ter me as soon as I git there:
Hev yew gotta loight, boy? hev yew gotta loight?

Molly Windley, she smook like a chimley,
But she's my little nicoteen gal.

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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  felix on Wed Aug 10, 2011 11:40 pm

IF IT WASN'T FOR THE 'OUSES IN BETWEEN

(Edgar Bateman / George LeBrunn)

Gus Elen - 1899

If you saw my little backyard
"Wot a pretty spot", you'd cry
It's a picture on a sunny summer day
Wiv the turnip tops and cabbages
Wot people doesn't buy
I makes it on a Sunday look all gay

The neighbours finks I grow 'em,
And you'd fancy you're in Kent
Or at Epsom if you gaze into the mews
It's a wonder as the landlord
Doesn't want to raise the rent
Because we have such nobby distant views

Oh! it really is a wery pretty garden
And Chingford to the Eastward could be seen
Wiv a ladder and some glasses
You could see to 'Ackney Marshes
If it wasn't for the 'ouses in between

We're as countrified as can be
Wiv a clothes prop for a tree
The tub-stool makes a rustic little stile
Ev'ry time the blooming clock strikes
There's a cuckoo sings to me
And I've painted up "To Leather Lane A Mile"

Wiv tomatoes and wiv radishes
Wot 'adn't any sale
The backyard looks a purfick mass o' bloom
And I've made a little beehive
Wiv some beetles in a pail
And a pitchfork wiv the 'andle of a broom

Oh! it really is a wery pretty garden
And Rye 'Ouse from the cock-loft could be seen
Where the chickweed man undresses
To bathe 'mong the water cresses
If it wasn't for the 'ouses in between

There's the bunny shares his egg box
Wiv the cross-eyed cock and hen
Though they 'as got the pip and him the 'morf
In a dog's 'ouse on the line-post
There was pigeons, nine or ten
Till someone took a brick and knocked it off

The dust cart though it seldom comes
Is just like 'Arvest 'Ome
And we made to rig a dairy up some'ow
Put the donkey in the wash'ouse
Wiv some imitation 'orns,
For we're teaching im to moo just like a kah

Oh! it really is a wery pretty garden
And 'Endon to the westward could be seen
And by clinging to the chimbley
You could see across to Wembley
If it wasn't for the 'ouses in between

Though the gasworks is at Woolwich
They improve the rural scene
For mountains they would very nicely pass
There's the mushrooms in the dust-hole
With the cowumbers so green
It only wants a bit 'o 'ot 'ouse glass

I wears this milkman's nightshirt
And I sits outside all day
Like the ploughboy cove what's mizzled o'er the Lea
And when I goes indoors at night
They dunno what I say
'Cause my language gets as yokel as can be

Oh! it really is a wery pretty garden
And soapworks from the 'ousetops could be seen
If I got a rope and pulley
I'd enjoy the breeze more fully
If it wasn't for the 'ouses in between

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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  felix on Wed Aug 10, 2011 11:56 pm

I'LL NEVER GET OUT OF THIS WORLD ALIVE

Recorded by Hank Williams
Written by Hank Williams and Fred Rose

Now you're lookin' at a man that's gettin' kind-a mad
I had lot's of luck but it's all been bad
No matter how I struggle and strive
I'll never get out of this world alive.

My fishin' pole's broke the creek is full of sand
My woman run away with another man
No matter how I struggle and strive
I'll never get out of this world alive.

A distant uncle passed away and left me quite a batch
And I was livin'g high until that fatal day
A lawyer proved I wasn't born
I was only hatched.

Ev'rything's agin' me and it's got me down
If I jumped in the river I would prob'ly drown
No matter how I struggle and strive
I'll never get out of this world alive.

These shabby shoes I'm wearin' all the time
Are full of holes and nails
And brother if I stepped on a worn out dime
I bet a nickel I could tell you if it was heads or tails.

I'm not gonna worry wrinkles in my brow
'Cause nothin's ever gonna be alright nohow
No matter how I struggle and strive
I'll never get out of this world alive.

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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  felix on Thu Aug 11, 2011 12:08 am

Billy Connolly - D.i.v.o.r.c.e.


Our little dog is six years old, and he's smart as any damn kid.
But when you mention the V.E.T. he damn near flips his lid.
Words like S.H.O.T. shot or W.O.R.M. worm,
These are words which make him S.Q.U.I.R.M. squirm.

His Q.U.A.R.A.N.T.I.N.E starts today,
Because he bit the V.E.T. and then he ran away.
He caused me and my wife to have a big fight, and then, both of them bit me.
And that's why I am gonna get a D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

She shouted "get him Rover," and he jumped over, and bit my L.E.G.
She sank her teeth in my B.U.M. and called me an effin C.
Well I'm telling you, that was my cue, to get O.F.F.-ski
And I'm going down to the town tonight to get a new B.I.R.D.

Oh his Q.U.A.R.A.N.T.I.N.E starts today.
Both my wife and my wee scabby dog will soon be hauled away.
That's why I spell out all these words, so as my dog can't hear.
Oh I must admit that dog is acting Q.U.E.E.R. queer.
Oh, I must admit that dog is acting Q.U.E.E.R. queer.

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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  Guest on Thu Aug 11, 2011 2:49 am


Hurt Feelings

Flight of The Conchords

Some people say that rappers don’t have feelings
We have feelings. (We have feelings)
Some people say that we are not rappers. (We’re rappers.)
That hurts our feelings.
(Hurts our feelings when you say we’re not rappers.)
Some people say that rappers are invincible
We’re vincible. (We’re vincible.)
What you are about to hear are true stories
(Real experiences)
Autobiographical raps.
Things that happened to us, All true
Bring the rhyme!

I make a meal for my friends,
Try to make it delicious,
Try to keep it nutritious,
Create wonderful dishes.
Not one of them thinks about the way I feel
Nobody compliments the meal

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings
I feel like a prize @sshole
No one even mentions my casserole.
I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings.
You coulda said something nice about my profiteroles

Here’s a little story to bring a tear to your eye,
I was shopping for a wetsuit to scuba dive,
But every suit I tried is too big around the thighs,
And the assistant suggested I try a ladies’ size

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings
I’m not gonna wear a ladies’ wetsuit I’m a man!
I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings
Get me a small man’s wetsuit, please

It’s my birthday, 2003
Waitin’ for a call from my family

They forgot about me

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings
The day after my birthday is not my birthday, Mum
I call my friends and say, “Let’s go into town,”
But they’re all too busy to go into town
So I go by myself, I go into town
Then I see all my friends, they’re all in town

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings.
They’re all lined up to watch that movie
“Maid in Manhattan.”
Have you even been told that your @ss is too big?
Have you ever been asked if your hair is a wig?
Have you ever been told you’re mediocre in bed?
Have you ever been told you’ve got a weird-shaped head?
Has your family ever forgotten you and driven away?
Once again, they forgot about J
Were you ever called “homo” ‘cuz at school you took drama?
Have you ever been told that you look like a llama?

Tears of a rapper (tears of a rapper),
I’m crying tears of a rapper
Tears of a rapper


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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  Guest on Thu Aug 11, 2011 2:56 am

Business Time
Flight Of The Conchords

Aww Yeah
Girl tonight we're gonna make love
You know how I know?
Because it's Wednesday
And Wednesday night is the night that we usually make love
Monday night is my night to cook
Tuesday night we go and visit your mother
But Wednesday we make sweet little love

When everything is just right
There's nothing good on tv
You haven't had your after work social sport team practice
So you are not too tired
Oh, boy, it's all love
You lean in and whisper something sexy like,
"I might go to bed. I've got work in the morning."
I know what you're trying to say baby.
You're trying to say "Aww, yeah. It's business time.”

It’s business
It’s business time
I know what you’re trying to say
You're trying to say it's time for business,
it's business time, oooh
It's business
It's business time
Aww ohooowoah yeah, yeah

Then in the bathroom brushing our teeth
That's all part of the foreplay, i love foreplay
Then you go sort out the recycling
That isn't part of the foreplay,
but it's still very important

Next thing you know we're in the bedroom
You're wearin' that baggy old ugly T-shirt you got from work several years ago
Mmmm, you know the one, baby
With the color stain

I remove my clothes
Very very clumsly
Trippin over my jeans 'cause I'm still wearing my shoes
But it's okay because I turn it all into a sexy dance.

Next thing you know I'm wearing absolutely nothing
Except for my socks
And you know when I'm down to just my socks
what time it is
It's business time

It's business
It's business time
When I'm down to my socks it's time for business
That's why they're called business socks, oooh
It’s business
It’s business time
Oooh, hoo hoo hoo oooh yeah, yeah

Making love
Making love for
Makin love for two
Making love for two minutes
When it's with me you only need two minutes,
because I'm so intense
Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven

You turn to me and say something sexy like, "Is that it?"
I know what you’re trying to say, girl
You're trying to say, "Aww yeah, that's it"
And then you tell me you want some more
Well, uh... I'm not surprised
But I'm quite sleepy

Mmm
It's business
It's business time
Business hours are over, baby
It's business
It's business time
Aww Yeah
Girl tonight we're gonna make love
You know how I know?
Because it's Wednesday
And Wednesday night is the night that we usually make love
Monday night is my night to cook
Tuesday night we go and visit your mother
But Wednesday we make sweet little love

When everything is just right
There's nothing good on tv
You haven't had your after work social sport team practice
So you are not too tired
Oh, boy, it's all love
You lean in and whisper something sexy like,
"I might go to bed. I've got work in the morning."
I know what you're trying to say baby.
You're trying to say "Aww, yeah. It's business time.”

It’s business
It’s business time
I know what you’re trying to say
You're trying to say it's time for business,
it's business time, oooh
It's business
It's business time
Aww ohooowoah yeah, yeah

Then in the bathroom brushing our teeth
That's all part of the foreplay, i love foreplay
Then you go sort out the recycling
That isn't part of the foreplay,
but it's still very important

Next thing you know we're in the bedroom
You're wearin' that baggy old ugly T-shirt you got from work several years ago
Mmmm, you know the one, baby
With the color stain

I remove my clothes
Very very clumsly
Trippin over my jeans 'cause I'm still wearing my shoes
But it's okay because I turn it all into a sexy dance.

Next thing you know I'm wearing absolutely nothing
Except for my socks
And you know when I'm down to just my socks
what time it is
It's business time

It's business
It's business time
When I'm down to my socks it's time for business
That's why they're called business socks, oooh
It’s business
It’s business time
Oooh, hoo hoo hoo oooh yeah, yeah

Making love
Making love for
Makin love for two
Making love for two minutes
When it's with me you only need two minutes,
because I'm so intense
Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven

You turn to me and say something sexy like, "Is that it?"
I know what you’re trying to say, girl
You're trying to say, "Aww yeah, that's it"
And then you tell me you want some more
Well, uh... I'm not surprised
But I'm quite sleepy

Mmm
It's business
It's business time
Business hours are over, baby
It's business
It's business time


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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

Post  eddie on Thu Aug 11, 2011 7:45 am

Strollin' on the boulevards of Paris
As naked as the day that I will die
The sailors they're so charmin' down in Paris
But they just don't seem to (settle up? steady up?) my mind

(Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out- live version of the Stones' Honky Tonk Woman)

As Mick once said, "It's only showbiz; you gotta take it with a pinch of salt...."

Always loved this line, too, from the same song:

She blew my nose and then she blew my mind
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Re: Lyrics that make you laugh

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