ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  precinct14 on Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:59 am

Well, it's always good to see one's unerring attraction to farce and scandal recognised in a David Lynch-style noir pulp serialisation. I have to point out though, that I look nothing like John Cleese, with or without a wig and Viking horned helmet.

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  tatiana on Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:28 am

precinct14 wrote: I have to point out though, that I look nothing like John Cleese, with or without a wig and Viking horned helmet.

that is okay precinct, i am sure that Woo does not look like J. Depp either, but that is how he was envisioned occasionally.





~

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  tatiana on Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:37 am


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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:43 am

I look a lot like Daniel Craig, though, but with less hair.


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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:45 am

tatiana wrote:

Soon--but let's give the Sheriff a chance to speak first.

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Fri Aug 05, 2011 5:14 am

The crowd of spectators in the hall was getting out of control, but Bob, as we all know, is a commanding presence. He commenced to banging his gavel and yelling “Order in the court! I will have order! Everybody sidown and shaddap!”

It didn’t take long before order and decorum were restored. Bob admonished the spectators:

-- This is America, and you can’t just haul a man out of the courtroom and string him up. You hafta give him a fair trial first, and then string him up. We got to listen to all the evidence, like on TV. So speak your peace, Sheriff.

The bailiff was feeling uncomfortable with Bob’s disregard for court procedure. After all, the public defender and the prosecutor had a right to know what witnesses would be appearing ahead of time. And furthermore, who exactly is calling this guy as a witness? The judge?

As uneasy as the bailiff was, pinhedz was heartened by Bob’s disregard for court procedure. This meant he might succeed in pulling off his next gambit:

-- Thank you for the opportunity to address the court, your honor. I am here to request that the defendant be rendered to my custody for transport to Newfoundland, where he will stand trial for crimes against society committed in Tuilinguet.

“Whaddidoo in Toolingait?” asked Bob.

Now the bailiff was in a state of high anxiety. The judge should know that this was not a question for the Cook County Court, but should be referred to a Federal Agency. But what could he—a low-level munchkin—do in this situation? So, pinhedz continued:

-- The defendant is accused of producing and distributing, a brand of vin des bleuets-framboises which, in addition to being distributed without a license, violates the “noncompete” clause in the contract between the town of Tuilinguet and the Auk Island Winery.

“That sounds anti-legalistic and reprehensible,” said Bob, “But what about his crimes against society right here in the state of America?”

The pinhed was ready for this:

-- I would point out, your honor, that the defendant is more likely to be suitably punished under our system of justice. Under the US justice system criminals often get off with light sentences, or evade punishment altogether.

Bob chuckled and said “Nobody gets off with Bob the hangin’ judge on the bench.” Then, seeing that Precinct had blanched white as a sheet, Bob added “Ha, ha! Just kidding.”

The pinhed was encouraged, until Bob said “Isn’t this what the news calls an ‘extraordinary rendition?’ "

This was bad. Bob’s political correctitude flag had gone up.

Then, all at once, the entire atmosphere in the courtroom changed. The pinhed sensed the presence—more like an aura than a presence—of a being that had silently entered the hall behind him, and upon whom every eye in the courtroom was immediately fixed.

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  woo on Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:30 pm

Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? Cliff hangers are good. I look exactly like Johnny Depp--Just better looking.

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  Doc Watson on Fri Aug 05, 2011 3:32 pm

I am looking forward to hearing the music that would go with this movie.

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Fri Aug 05, 2011 10:14 pm

To write the music score, we need Carl Stallings (sadly, deceased Crying or Very sad ):


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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sat Aug 06, 2011 2:52 am

Woo wrote:Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? Cliff hangers are good. I look exactly like Johnny Depp--Just better looking.
The aura is a direct connection to the spirit world.

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  eddie on Sat Aug 06, 2011 6:51 am

pinhedz wrote:Then, all at once, the entire atmosphere in the courtroom changed. The pinhed sensed the presence—more like an aura than a presence—of a being that had silently entered the hall behind him, and upon whom every eye in the courtroom was immediately fixed.

Eddie had not been feeling quite himself for some weeks past.

As a shaman (semi-retired) working for the London Underground, feelings of disorientation were not at all uncommon in his current line of work, particularly when he found himself drowning in the manifold squalors of Liverpool Street station on a Saturday night- a cesspool which would defeat even the overwrought imagination of an Hieronymus Bosch to accurately depict.

Eddie's problem was that he was in love- and in love with a treacherous young witch, to make matters that much worse.

So when the business end of a broken bottle was presented to his naked neck by a man dressed as a comical dragon, half in love with easeful death he hesitated before taking refuge- as LU procedures advise- in the glass cubicle placed next to the gateline by a thoughtful Management for just such eventualities.

But this time it was all strangely different....

No sooner had he pressed the red EMERGENCY ALARM button than a peaceful floating feeling overcame him- as though some Narnian-like furniture-based portal had been opened. This was followed swiftly by a distinctly odd rushing sensation...

Opening his momentarily tight-shut startled eye, he was astonished to behold Bob Dylan in a wig.

Just then a bolt of lightning struck the courthouse out of shape.


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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sat Aug 06, 2011 7:53 am


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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  eddie on Sat Aug 06, 2011 8:12 am

Very few people know quite what happened after that- from the Transatlantic perspective, at least. Most of our news is generated by the Murdoch press, so who really knows what's going on?

Certain it is, though, that the defendant had vanished from the dock before order had been restored.

Unconfimed reports link the incident to the mauling of several teenage backpackers (and the dreadful death of one) on a "Confidence-building" expedition to the Arctic Circle by a very hungry Polar Bear with DEUS EX MACHINA stencilled on its considerably-proportioned rump, a bear apparently infuriated by the loss of its customary climatic conditions.

All anybody really KNOWS about the incident (from the accompanying London Metropolitan Police paperwork) is that a 27-year old Leytonstone man dressed as a comical dragon was booked into Leman Street Police station that same night on a charge of carrying an offensive weapon.

He has been remanded to appear in court on Tuesday.

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sat Aug 06, 2011 3:07 pm

Certain it is, though, that the defendant had vanished from the dock before order had been restored.
Materializing at the other end of the worm-hole, Precint is startled to find himself in the Liverpool Street station of the London Underground on a Saturday night, and in confrontation with a man in a dragon suit waving a broken bottle.

The man was obviously furious:

"The car doors close too fast" he screamed, "this is the third time this week I got caught in the closing doors! And look what happened to my bottle of vin des bleuets-framboises! I expect full payment!"

"Let me see that" said Precint, taking the broken bottle by the neck and examining the torn label, "you don't know how lucky you are, young man. If you fancy vin des bleuets-framboises, the Auk Island winery is the last place you should be getting it from."

But the young man had lost interest in the bottle and was staring at Precinct instead: "You're John Cleese, aren't you? I've been a fan for ages! May I have your autograph?"

"Oh dear" says Precint to himself, "it's starting again. This is why I make a point of staying away from England as much as possible." Mad

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  eddie on Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:17 pm

A bootlace flapped wildly, stiff and freezing, from immense and bloodied jaws.

Eddie's enormous marble claws rummaged thoughtfully through the entrails of the unfortunate backpacker sprawled supine on the floor of the icy rock-and-gravel cwm.

Something wasn't quite right here.

Did he need a shave? A haircut?

The claws stopped rummaging.

No.

What he needed was...more manflesh.





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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sun Aug 07, 2011 12:00 am

Eddie had no way of knowing that the last remaining remnant of the Arctic polar ice cap was moving--carried along inexorably by the current--toward the Canadian shoreline. Although it is a "remnant," it is nevertheless 10 times the size of Manhattan, and scientists were scrambling to assess the effect of it's huge momentum upon grounding:


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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sun Aug 07, 2011 12:43 am

I guess it's no longer 10 times the area of Manhattan, but it was a few weeks ago. geek

It has lakes (those aren't holes, they're fresh water--perfect brewing water drunken ):


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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sun Aug 07, 2011 1:13 am

The cwm widens out as Eddie approaches the ocean. He spies a building near the shore, and rushes toward it, hoping to find more meat.

There is a sign out front--"Auk Island Winery." Eddie smashes it with one powerful paw.


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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sun Aug 07, 2011 1:15 am

Suddenly the Peterman ice island looms into view. It covers the entire horizon:




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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sun Aug 07, 2011 1:21 am

Eddie is drawn to the huge ice mass by stirrings of nostalgia and yearning. There are dim memories in his brutish mind of long lazy days sitting on the Arctic ice, snatching seals as their heads pop up through their air holes (always a tasty lunch).

Eddie walks fearlessly into the water and starts swimming.

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sun Aug 07, 2011 1:56 am

Meanwhile, in the Cook County jail, Bob, Felix, and the pinhed have been languishing for three weeks. Their stubble have grown into beards.

I'll spare you the sordid spectacle of judge Charbonneau emerging from his antechamber amid the fallen ceiling plaster, wearing a blond wig, miniskirt and high heels, denouncing Bob as an imposter and accusing the pinhed and Felix of drugging him with vin des bleuets-framboises.

But needless to say, Officers Kempa and lovely Mary Jane the meter maid snapped the handcuffs on the protagonists before they could brush the dust and plaster off themselves.

The pinhed is in the cell drinking tap water from an old tin cup, while Felix and Bob are talking quietly, Bob awkwardly holding the balalaika.

"It's easy" says Felix, "put your pinky on the A-string at the 5th fret, and use your thumb for the two bottom strings at the second fret. That's yer D chord."

The pinhed puts down his cup on the crude wooden table, and notices something--a slight vibration of the table and circular ripples in his cup.

-- "I think it just happened" says the pinhed.

Bob looks up from the balalaika and says "What just happened? I can never tell what yure talkin' about."

-- "The Peterman ice island just grounded. I'm sure the authorities evacuated the area around the grounding site, but God help anyone that was within 25 kilometers of the event."

Bob strums a D chord and sings:

"Well the Peterman island,
It's a mighty fine island,
The finest ol' Island,
That you ever did see!"

"So if you need an ice island,
Take the Peterman Island,
That's the Peterman ice ...
I-L-A-and!"


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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sun Aug 07, 2011 2:13 am

END of Epilogue, Part I.

Part II to follow (remember -- THE KEY IS FRANK).

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  TinyMontgomery on Sun Aug 07, 2011 5:19 am

Thank you for this entertaining thread! I'm looking forward to reading part II!

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  tatiana on Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:02 am

TinyMontgomery wrote:Thank you for this entertaining thread! I'm looking forward to reading part II!

Me too.

Tiny, you should have read the (real) first episode, back on the original ATU.
It was quite good also

Pinz is very good at story-telling. sunny

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

Post  pinhedz on Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:17 am

The idea was let folks know what there is to do and where to go in Minnesota. geek

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Re: ATU--The Movie, EPISODE I (with epilogue part 1 and 2) -- and EPISODE II -- and EPISODE III -- and EPISODE IV

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